And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
