Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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