I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
