i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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