Umm I'm too high to move.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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