Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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