ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
