i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
