i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
