I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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