Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
