it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
