Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
