I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
