we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
