Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
