I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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