you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
