I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
