Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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