I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
