I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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