I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize