Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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