I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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