I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
