You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
