It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
