im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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