currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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