So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
