I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
