After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
