Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
