so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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