I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
