toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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