I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
