Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
