My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
