just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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