it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
