dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
