So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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