I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
