my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize