I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
