Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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