While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
