I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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