She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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