Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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