mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
please don't ironically join a cult
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