I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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