Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
