trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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