Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
