Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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