Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
