if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
