oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
