that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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