If i come over, it means nothing
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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