You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
