my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
