I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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