Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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