): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
