I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
