My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
