I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
