So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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