you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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