the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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