hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
