Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
