these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i will never coherently bang her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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