I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
