after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
