is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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