Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
