I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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