Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
