Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
