He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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