My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
