He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
