Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Terrible idea I love it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
