Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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