why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
