Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
