You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
