I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
