i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
